“Pure Heart, Simple Mind”® vol. 2, no. 18 (no.3 on Anger Management), November 1, 2004
Official Newsletter of Seishindo™—Life Coaching. Self Hypnosis and Mindfulness.
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IN THIS ISSUE:
In order to free ourselves from the pain of anger and resentment we need to be able to forgive our self and others. The longer we dwell on hurtful situations from the past, the longer we keep our self from living fully in the present. Forgiveness is an act of kindness. An act of kindness to your self, as it leads to a sense of personal freedom.
Recently I had a client who had a lot of resentment towards her mother for many things that she had done to her in the past.
“I don’t want to forgive my mother for what she did in the past.” my client said. “What she did is wrong, and she has never apologized.” I hear this very same statement from many clients who are living with resentment, whether it be towards their parents, their spouse, or their boss.
I asked my client if she felt that anyone other than herself, was responsible for, and capable of, making her happy. After a rather long and convoluted discussion, she said that when it was all said and done, she realized that she was indeed the only one that could make herself happy.
We sat there together for a while, and then I took a deep breath and suggested that my client do so as well. Here is an idea, I said. “What if as a totally selfish act, done simply for your own personal happiness, you decided to go ahead and let go of the resentment you had towards your mom, so that you would no longer need to have resentment clouding your life. What would that be like?” “You would not be saying that what was done to you was OK. You would simply be letting go of the resentment so that your own life would be happier. Would you want to let go of your resentment if it meant you would feel greater happiness?”
We sat there together for a while and my client’s face softened. She said that if she was able to let go of her resentment, it would be like lifting a weight from her shoulders, and removing a dark cloud from her heart.
“With all you have been through,” I said. “With all of the pain you have suffered, wouldn’t it be a wonderful gift to yourself if you could lift this weight from your shoulders and remove the dark cloud from your heart? Would it not be wonderful to be freed from your hurt and resentment?”
She sat there for a while, as tears formed, and she said very softly “Yes, I want to feel good. I want to feel love. I want to feel free.”
“So” I said, “In order to free yourself from pain and open your heart to love, you would be willing to go so far as to forgive your mother if this is what you felt was necessary for your own personal happiness?” She was somewhat hesitant, but said “Yes.”
“Remember” I said, “I am suggesting that you do this purely for selfish reasons. Not because you want to actually forgive your mom at this point in time, but because you want to free yourself to live a happier life.”
My client said “Yes, when it is said like this, I have the resolve to forgive my mother, in order to free myself to live a happier life.”
“Good I said. “Hold these thoughts and feelings in your heart for a while and then we can talk about how to actually accomplish your forgiving.” How about you? Are you holding onto any resentment? Are you ready to recapture your happiness? Would you be willing to undertake the radical act of forgiveness in order to free yourself? I certainly hope so. And if not today, maybe tomorrow.
This issue’s commentary is different than usual. Recently, we have made a new friend and colleague, by the name of Bruno Gideon. Bruno has a wonderful weekly newsletter called “1-Minute Email.” It is short, and definitely sweet. It has just so happened that Bruno has also been recently writing about “Forgiveness” and I want to take this opportunity to introduce Bruno and share his thoughts on this topic. Here is what he had to say:
The power of forgiveness Forgiveness is a gift you can give yourself. To forgive has nothing to do with another person. It is a decision you make within yourself. Not to forgive means choosing to remain a victim and that would be more hurtful in the long run with endless negative feelings and senseless loss of energy. It is really not difficult: on a quiet moment, simply identify the situation and ask yourself: Do I want to waste my energy further on this matter? If the answer is No, that is it; to forgive is the best way out.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive.
- Mother Theresa
Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.
- William Arthur Ward
The weak can never forgive. Forgiving is the attribute of the strong.
- Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)
Bruno’s commentary: Forgiving is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of inner strength and positive self-esteem. It is a message to ourselves that we don’t want to live with anger, hatred and pain. Forgiveness is not forgetting the past, but learning from it and accepting reality. It would be nice to be able to turn back the clock, but that just isn’t possible. Forgiving also doesn’t justify what others have done to us, nor the pain we have suffered. It does, however, allow us to look at old scars and see them for what they are. And it allows us to see how much energy we have wasted and how much we have damaged ourselves by not forgiving. Most importantly, the pain from our past can no longer dictate our life and determine our future. Finally we are free.
Right now, is there somebody in your life where you could practice the art of forgiveness? Bruno’s weekly 1-Minute Email is a free service from Bruno Gideon, the author of the book “Don’t Take No for an Answer!” His website is: http://www.brunogideon.com.
To Subscribe to Bruno’s newsletter: Please sign up at: http://www.brunogideon.com/email/subscribe.html.
The Gift of Forgiveness
This is a simple yet profound Practice. If you have been following and experimenting with our other Practices along the way, you might notice that today’s Practice has a very similar structure to two other Practices. These three Practices “Today …”, “Today, my anger is about …”, and “The gift of forgiveness”) follow a particular structure for meaningful personal dialogue that I have uncovered over the years. Little by little, absorb this structure into your bones, and then start creating your own Practices, based on different concerns!
Phone Sessions with Charlie Badenhop
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4. Suggested Books by Cindy Franklin
“Homeopathy: Beyond Flat Earth Medicine” by Timothy R. Dooley, N.D., M.D.
This book is an excellent introduction to homeopathy. It explains the aspects of homeopathy that make it an attractive medical system. Contemplating this book, one quickly recognizes that homeopathic treatment is based on principles similar to Seishindo, and that homeopathy has similar qualities and benefits.
Some of the ways homeopathy is like Seishindo are as follows: Rather than attacking a disease process, homeopathy helps activate the healing resources within the clients’ body. For this reason it acts in a deep, powerful, subtle way. A clients’ whole life is likely to improve in ways that they often do not link to the treatment received, because the improvements feel so organic, intrinsic, and natural. The correct remedy will often results in many positive “side effects,” curing a number of seemingly unrelated symptoms and even sometimes challenging habit patterns, as the client’s system comes into balance. The treatment is safe: A child could eat an entire bottle of homeopathic medicine and suffer no ill effects. This book includes some fascinating anecdotes and examples, and helps readers become intelligent consumers of homeopathic care.
5. Suggested Music
Chant – The Benedictine Monks of Santo Domingo De Silos
If you like Gregorian chanting, then you will find this CD to be tranquil, and uplifting.
6. Our subscribers letters, recommendations, and introductions
The Seishindo Team heartily thanks all our readers who sent us their kind words and recommendations.
“When I began to meditate at home (and also do some of Charlie’s exercises), I wanted a way to time myself with a chime. I couldn’t find a low cost version, so I created a CD entitled “Simple Silence”. It has 4 tracts (5, 10, 20, and 30 minutes) which begin and end with a lovely chime. In between is silence. It works beautifully if you have a CD player close at hand. You can purchase one from me for $10 + $2 s/h.
Sharry Teague, 443 Normal Ave., Ashland, OR, 97520. Call (541)488.8016 if you have questions.”
“My husband & his son have started a business to supply plein-air painters. It’s called Guerrilla Painter, and the website is http://www.pochade.com. They actually use painting as a form of meditation, since it requires one to sit still & pay close attention. This practice carries over into other areas of life, and you find yourself appreciating everything around you. Thanks!”
“I would just like you to know how much I appreciate my first issue of your newsletter. Your explanation of anger cuts to the heart of the matter with sensitivity, insight, and common sense. … Thank you for your wonderful work. I am looking forward to more issues.”
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