Biting the hand that feeds you

Serving a community of private individuals and professionals who have the desire to cultivate a life of clarity, compassion, and creativity. Your feedback is encouraged. Please contact us at seishindo@seishindo.org.

Workshops Announcement The Body of Tenderness–The Body of Fear: Finding the Wisdom of Love Santa Fe, New Mexico: April 5 - 6, 2004 Program Description & Cost. Contact person: Julie Kuck. Tel. (858) 455-9888 Washington DC: April 16-18, 2004 Program Description & Cost. Contact person: Sandy Morris. Tel. (703) 707-9277 As an individual wanting more from your life, or a trained professional wanting to add to your current professional skills you will learn how to: Make more "sense" of your emotions by bridging the body over to the thinking mind Release and dissolve your fears by rekindling your tenderness Bring a greater sense of respect and empowerment into your life Feel greater confidence in entering into loving, supportive relationships Come to recognize and identify with, The Wisdom of Love Profoundly change the way you perceive and appreciate: Your self - The people you are in relationship with - The life challenges you face. The discipline of Seishindo offers you the best of both Eastern and Western models of health and well-being. A remarkable system that merges Oriental philosophy with Western science.

1. Starting Line

I've run out of dog stories for the time being, so today I want to talk about taming parrots. Thanks to all of you who suggested that I could perhaps get a time slot for my newsletter on Animal Planet!

I have been writing these stories in regard to animal training, because I think we can learn a lot about ourselves as human beings, by understanding more about our "animal nature" or what Stephen Gilligan often calls our "mammalian consciousness." Understanding more about our mammalian heritage can help us understand more about our emotions, which can further lead us to learn valuable lessons about conditions such as autism and ADD as well.

A number of years ago my parents gave me a parrot as a gift. The very first thing I learned in regard to parrots is that they can be very dangerous to be around. Depending on their size, they can do major damage to your fingers and other body parts. At the time, I was living and working with my friend Reeves Teague and he was a master animal trainer in his own right. He understood animals from a "country boy" perspective having grown up in the mountains of North Carolina. I understood animals from the "city boy" perspective having grown up on the mean streets.

Here is the process that I initially learned from Reeves, and have used several times on my own, when training a parrot to be a playful pet.

1. Invite the attack with an open and loving countenance.
The parrot is going to try and bite you no matter what, it is a natural act of self preservation. So instead of trying to stop him from biting you, you want to utilize his current behavior and encourage it. Wear something protective on one or two fingers (but not a whole glove), and extend a finger and invite the parrot to bite you.

The concept of welcoming and utilizing the parrot's current behavior even if it is violent, is very much in the spirit of Aikido and Ericksonian Hypnosis.

In Ericksonian Hypnosis when you utilize the client's "bad" behavior you join with and validate the client's current model of the world rather than trying to change the client and giving him the message he is doing something wrong.

In Aikido when you invite someone to attack you, then on one level they are not really attacking you, but rather they are following your instructions. They are doing what you are asking them to do. In Aikido, you can easily notice how welcoming an attack takes the steam out of the strike. Whether the activity be Aikido training or parrot traning, when you welcome the attack, the attack winds up being a lot less vicious.

2. Encourage violence and tenderness at the same time.
Leave your finger in the cage and encourage the parrot to really gnaw on it. With your other hand rub the parrot's head in a gentle manner much like you might a dog or a cat. When you are tender and violent at the same time, you are beginning to engage in the act of play.

3. Reward the negative behavior and thus reframe the meaning of the behavior.
When you reward the "bad" behaviour the behavior is no longer bad. The parrot bites your right hand and you reward him by giving a snack with your left hand. The relationship is circular in nature. It doesn't take long before you can see that the parrot is losing his enthusiasm for biting you. He still very much wants the snacks you feed him after each attack, but he would rather not have to do all of the biting to get the goodies.

4. Blur the starting and stopping points, blur the difference between good and bad.
The parrot has been biting one hand and you have been nuzzling the parrot and then feeding him with your other hand. Now take the hand that has been doing the nuzzling and feeding and present it to the parrot for biting. When the parrot takes a playful nip, you nuzzle him with the hand he was previously gnawing on. Another way to say this is that you are encouraging the parrot to bite the hand that feeds him! His confusion will be obvious.

5. Change the reason for the reward.
After the "break in" period you only give a snack when the parrot is gentle and playful with you. Little by little you thus change the reference behavior for getting the snack. Usually at this stage, anyone that moves slowly can play with the parrot with little concern about getting bitten.

I have found the above method, to be by far the fastest, easiest, and most humane way to tame a parrot, and calm down children that appear to have a violent streak.

Private Sessions If you would like to become better able to work wisely with core issues such as your identity, deteriorating health, a general sense of well-being, destructive habit patterns, strained personal relationships, and various professional concerns, please consider engaging in an in-person private session with me. My private sessions in Santa Fe, New Mexico, will be on April 7th and 8th, 2004. My private sessions in Washington DC will be on April 20th and 21st, 2004. Read more about what Seishindo sessions can bring you. Read what other people say about Seishindo sessions. If you think you might be interested in a private session, please contact Charlie directly at charlie@seishindo.org.

2. Main course

I have used the same basic process that I use in parrot training, with children who are labeled as "violent," due to autistim or severe cases of ADD, and other seemingly related issues. (I am talking here about children who are raised in nurturing households and still suffer, and not children that are treated violently by their care takers.) In my mind, a significant factor in the behavior of many children who act violently and are erratic emotionally, is brought about by a deep fear experienced on a level that comes "prior to" intellect. I believe that this fear is tied to incomplete development of the limbic portion of the child's brain, and their enteric nervous system. The child's condition can be healed over time, and the way I experience it is that the neural connections between the limbic brain and the neocortex have not been fully developed/integrated. The limbic brain and the enteric nervous system are both developed in an embryo prior to the neocortex of the brain , and both of these systems are tied to managing our mammalian consciousness and our emotions. Violent behavior is indeed an emotional response. Particularly when the child does not seem to be clearly responding to what is taking place around him. At such times the child is responding to what is taking place internally.

What I have done in the past the several times I have worked with violent children, is to get protective clothing if necessary, like that worn by people teaching self defense classes. I playfully interact with the child, and I invite the child to be rough with me, much like I would with a parrot. As the child strikes out and really gets involved in being fully in the moment, I manage to gently envelop them and stroke them some and hold them, and at some point I wind up rolling around on the floor with them. I work with the child in any one session until they get really tired. This takes quite a bit of commitment on my part, and usually by the time the session is over, I am pretty wiped out for the rest of the day.

The main concept I work with involves making what I call "primary contact." I touch the soles of the child's feet to my stomach (skin to skin) and when it is safe I touch their feet to my face as well. I spin them around until they get dizzy, and then let them rest. I rock them, I sometimes hold them tight for maybe five seconds or so, and then let go completely, I make various animal sounds, I play dead, and always, I give them the opportunity to also attack me. When I have taken the protective clothing off, and I lie on the floor in a vulnerable manner, and the child becomes aware that they could strike and kick me and hurt me, and the child looks into my eyes and understands that I know this, something quite magical happens. A moment of deep bonding. A moment of letting go. A moment of communion that reaches into our animal hearts, and fills us both with love.

What I describe here is only one small portion of an entire therapeutic process that would involve many other variables and interventions on the part of myself and other professionals, but I have found this kind of work to really be helpful for children and also emotionally rewarding for myself. I have a dream to one day implement such a program with some of my colleagues in the world of Aikido, who are already doing somewhat similar work. Such interactions could go a long way towards healing adults as well as children. In fact, I believe there are many adults who are in desperate need of such work, such human-animal contact that gives them the somatic-emotional knowledge that constant attack is no longer necessary. Many people need to understand that it can be safe, under the proper conditions, to experience vulnerability, and love.

3. Practice

For today's practice I want to once again introduce you to "Katsugen Undo" which I first presented twenty issues ago. Katsugen Undo is a core Practice of Seishindo, and the method I use has been developed from my study of Noguchi Sei Tai, a Japanese healing system that helps people to release excess energy. Noguchi Sensei used to say that all illness and discomfort is brought about by excess energy that is stored in our body. Release the excess energy you are holding onto, and you will release illness and emotional and physical, aches and pains. Which means that you will feel greater joy and vitality.

4. Links

We are happy to feature the work of The Bronx Peace Village on our site. The fine people who run this project help to develop peaceful and effective responses to conflict in community settings. They train people in meditation and various nonviolent actions and practices. Give their site a look, and perhaps you might find a way to somehow get involved in such fine work.

5. Suggested Books by Cindy Franklin

"And there was light." Autobiography of Jacques Lusseyran, Blind Hero of the French Resistance.

Lusseyran was blinded as a boy of 11, and went on to be guided by his own kind of inner seeing that was both a subtle sensing of color, pattern and luminosity, and a corresponding spiritual knowing. This autobiography describes how Lusseryan's inner sight helped him in his work in the French resistance, and later helped him survive life in a concentration camp. It is a fascinating and a deeply inspiring book, and I think it is relevant to Seishindo because it is about an inspirational, highly individual way of living the mind-body-spirit connection.

6. Suggested Music

CD: "Hasta Los Huesos" Los Activos
This is an album by a group that started out entertaining on the streets of Spain. (Or so I have been told.) I have jokingly referred to this music as Flamenco hip hop. The group is up tempo, soulful, and haunting. An excellent CD to add to your collection.

7. Endnote

A number of people wrote to say how clever I was to name the dog in Kirsten's story "Charlie". Well indeed the real life dog's name is Charlie, and indeed Charlie is a girl!

To explain a bit more about my process of writing let me say the following:

Most every story that I write is inspired by a real life incident. Usually these incidents are ones I have been personally involved in, but occasionally I use a newspaper article or the story of a friend to inspire me. In many instances I change the circumstances somewhat to insure people's privacy and also to give the story a bit of extra pizazz So yes, the stories are not completely made up, and no, I am not attempting to write a factually accurate replay of what transpired in the past. I am offering you experiences that have given me pause to reflect and learn.

And yes, in this case Charlie the dog is a girl, and Kirsten is my real life friend who is doing wonderful work with older folks.

8. Milestones

You have heard me talk of Sharon Mijares before in this newsletter as she is a successful author, teacher, and therapist, an all around wonderful person, and a good friend. Well just recently Sharon got her black belt in Aikido. A great accomplishment for anyone, and in Sharon's case, she is 61 years old and a great-grandmother! Hearty congratulations to you Sharon. I truly admire the positive energy you put forth in the world.

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We have asked you to send in information regarding Milestones that you are proud of. Katherine Kean has written in to tell us about her new website.

http://www.katherinekean.com
Katherine welcomes you to visit her new website. She is an artist and a massage therapist. Her paintings are inspired by the forces of nature. Feel free to drop by and browse her artwork and related links.

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Please let us know about your milestones, or the milestones of organizations that you belong to or especially like.

Have you just launched a website?
Succeeded with a challenging client?
Realized an important truth?
Gained a new supportive understanding of your teenage son or daughter?
Written an article or a book?

Please send your news to seishin@seishindo.org and we will be happy to publish it on our website.

9. Copyright

Unless otherwise attributed, all material for the newsletter "Pure Heart, Simple Mind"(tm) is written and edited by Charlie Badenhop ©. All rights reserved.

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