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Serving a community of private individuals and professionals
who have the desire to cultivate a life of clarity, compassion,
and creativity. We warmly welcome our new subscribers. Thanks
for joining! Your feedback is encouraged. Please feel free to contact us.
1. Simple Story
[Important note: When reading some of my stories about past
clients, please know that I take every precaution to protect
their privacy. I tend to change most, if indeed not all of the
personal details involved in each story. Although I attempt
to present each story in a sensitive manner, it is my hope that
not even the person involved, would be certain if they were
the inspiration for the story being read.]
Recently I had a client who was suffering from depression.
His family had moved six different times during his childhood,
and he explained how he always felt like an outsider. Each time
that he began to make new friends, it was always time to move
again. His father could never keep a job for longer than two
years, and partly because of this, his mom and dad were always
too caught up in their own struggle to take the time to care
for and comfort him. He said that loneliness was a big issue
for him, and then he just sat there motionless.
I sat with him for a while just absorbing his feeling, and
then I asked him to tell me about his current life. The story
he told was very much a duplication of his childhood. He was
thirty five years old, had dropped out of college in his freshman
year, and had done little more than drift from place to place
for the last sixteen years. His longest relationship with a
woman had been for two years, and he spent most of his time
alone, feeling like a total outsider. He said his only solace
was going to the movies and sitting in the dark as he watched
the drama of other people's lives unfold on the screen. Sitting
there with him, it felt as if we were sliding down into a very
deep hole with no bottom in sight.
After a bit of small talk, I asked him to tell me how he imagined
his future would be. He told me he felt that he would most likely
continue in the same manner, and lead a lonely life with little
emotional or professional fulfillment. He said his biggest fear
was growing old, losing his health, and being shunted off into
a public care facility, where he would die on his own. This
powerful image really touched me. I told him in a gentle manner
that it felt sad to me that the future he had just laid out
seemed to only be a repetition of his past.
I asked him to imagine that he was sitting in a movie theater,
watching HIS life unfold on screen. A small boy grows up in
a lonely family environment and feels out of place with the
rest of the world. His early adulthood winds up being the same.
"And then what?" I asked. "What would need to
happen to make this movie memorable?" He stared at me for
quite a while and then said, "The man's life would need
to change dramatically. He would overcome the limitations of
his childhood, fall in love with a woman who understood his
heart, and together they would live a fulfilling life."
"Yes." I said. "Then your story would have a
compelling future. Then your drama would move people's hearts."
I asked him if he would like to work with me to build a story
that had a future that transcended his past. He said he had
not thought this was possible, but that if I felt we could accomplish
this together he would very much like to try. I suggested he
spend time working on the rest of his script and that in his
next session, we would begin to explore how we could turn the
new ending of his story into a reality. He smiled, thanked me,
and said that for the first time in his life he had a tiny feeling
that perhaps his life could be better than it had been. He was
beginning to feel like he had the possibility of a new, emotionally
satisfying future.
2. Connected Thoughts
One of the most pervasive patterns I see with my private clients,
is that it is difficult for many of them to imagine a future
that is significantly different from their past. Alcoholics
assume they will always be drinking. People in an abusive relationship
take it for granted that their next relationship will also be
abusive to some extent. People who have been reclusive their
entire life, find it hard to believe that they will ever make
friends.
I think there are three main reasons for people staying stuck
in degenerative patterns that limit their happiness. The first
reason being they do not have a positive reference experience
to draw on. In other words, they have not identified a role
model whose success in life they can imitate. They need someone
they can learn from, even if that person is no longer alive.
Once we have identified someone who has already accomplished
what we would like to accomplish, then we can know for sure
that the task itself, is not impossible.
The second reason for staying stuck is that most people have
a tendency to build their current and future identity based
almost exclusively on what has taken place in the past. I have
heard it said that the ancient Greeks had a quote that went
like this "Your future lies behind you and you past is
what you see everywhere in front of you. It is a special person
indeed that is able to create a future that is not a recapitulation
of one's past." Based on what we have accomplished, or
failed to accomplish in the past, most of us wind up developing
a belief system regarding what we will be capable of in the
future. Without the belief that you CAN INDEED accomplish a
challenging task, it becomes rather difficult to overcome the
inertial pull of the past. The most important move towards change,
is the initial move we take to get started. Once we have had
the opportunity to reflect, most any baby step we take to get
moving, is better than doing nothing.
The third reason for staying stuck is a sense of loneliness
and desolation. People who feel stuck for long periods of time
usually feel like they are all alone in the world, and that
they don't have friends and loved one's to draw on for strength,
support, and love. In order to meet the world with curiosity,
tenacity, and enthusiasm, we need to experience the world as
a place that welcomes our presence. We need to understand that
we have a reason for living, and that the world at large, the
universe, will very certainly support our purpose when we fully
live it.
In my work with clients I strive to give them a positive reference
experience for what they are wanting to accomplish. I either
offer them this experience directly in their work with me, or
I find a role model that is better suited to their needs. With
a positive role model in place, I help my clients understand
that they have been living in the past, while planning for their
future. First, we need to create a compelling dream. Then, we
can enter into our dream and breathe life into our future.
Perhaps though, the most important service I am able to offer
my clients is connecting to them energetically and offering
them a limbic sense of being deeply appreciated, protected,
and forgiven. I breathe with them, and do my best to assimilate
and appreciate their fears and expectations, as well as their
magnificence. With my own energetic connection to an intelligence
that is greater than the both of us, I communicate with my spirit
that everything is OK, and really always has been. In order
to recognize this as a truth, we need to be reborn into the
present, and take our first tentative steps towards connecting
to our entire self. That which is within our body, and that
which comes from outside of ourselves. We are all much more
than we usually imagine.
How about you? Are you in the process of creating the future
that you really want to be a part of? I certainly hope so, and
I wish you the best!
3. Practice
"Only
don't know"
This practice is designed to help you dissolve your usual sense
of "knowing" about the world you live in and who you
are. It can help you to open up to new ways of thinking and
perceiving, and assist you in creating the future you want to
work towards fulfilling.
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Private Sessions
If you would like to become better able to work wisely
with core issues such as your identity, deteriorating
health, a general sense of well-being, destructive habit
patterns, strained personal relationships, and various
professional concerns, please consider engaging in an
in-person private session with me.
My private sessions in San Diego, CA, will be on July
14th and 15th; in New York - on July 19th and 20th, 2004;
in Washington DC - on July 27th and 28th, 2004.
Read
more about how you can benefit
from a Seishindo private session.
Read
what other people say about Seishindo sessions.
If you think you might be interested in a private session,
please contact Charlie directly at charlie@seishindo.org.
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4. Links
Stephen Gilligan - http://www.stephengilligan.com
Stephen Gilligan Ph.D., was a student of Milton Erickson, and
he is the founder of Self Relations therapy. Stephen conducts
workshops on hypnotic communication and Self Relations, and
he has a loyal following throughout the world. Any of his workshops
are well worth attending. Check out Stephen's website to see
where he is teaching. Chances are at some point during the year
he will turn up at a location not too far away from you.
If you look closely, you will notice that I am teaching a two
day workshop in between the two weeks of Stephen's long standing
Trance Camp. Consider coming to visit the both of US this July,
just outside of San Diego.
5. Suggested Books by Cindy Franklin
"The Feeling of What Happens:
Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness" by
Antonio Damasio
This book explains the neurobiology of emotion, awareness
and identity, and it is full of engrossing anecdotes from
the author's clinical research. The writing exploring the
meaning of variouis case studies is lucid and well argued,
if a bit dense at times. The book is highly relevant to
practitioners of Seishindo and to all those interested in
the mind-body-spirit connection.
6. Suggested Music
CD: Steve Roach "Dreamtime Return"-
a two CD set
This 1988 masterpiece was inspired by Roach's visits
to the Australian outback and his work with the didgeridoo
master David Hudson. The album draws on the Aboriginal myth
of Dreamtime, a Garden of Eden like period that includes the
idea of extraterrestrials coming down to earth. When you listen
to this music you can feel the ancient land, the aboriginal
spirit, and the coming of "others". A truly magnificent
album.
7. Subscriber Recommendations and Introductions
If you have a business, hobby, group, or organization that
you would like other members of the Seishindo community to know
about, then please send us a short write-up (two or three sentences)
here.
You don't have a website? Then let us know how other members
might contact you by phone, fax, in person, or in writing.
We also invite you to send in:
A) Questions and comments relating
to what you read here.
B) Experiences that relate to
the "Practices" presented.
C) The names of books/music/services/products,
etc. you feel might be of interest to the Seishindo community.
Please include a short write-up (two or three sentences) about
your selections and send all input here.
* * *
We heartily thank everyone who sent us their recommendations,
introduced themselves, and responded to our last issue. Because
of the volume of responses, we were pleased to make a separate
page on our site to accommodate all of the messages.
Please go to the Our
Subscribers Suggest page to read all the messages we were
sent. You can find out about a Self Hypnosis CD, The EQnomy
Manifesto, Guardians of the Rainforest, Intuitive Connections,
Healing Prayers Circle, MomsWIN, Touchstone Coaching Services,
and The Non-Toxic Times Newsletter. Thanks so much again!
8. Copyright
Unless otherwise attributed, all material for the newsletter
"Pure Heart, Simple Mind"(tm) is written and edited by Charlie
Badenhop ©. All rights reserved.
You may reprint, copy, or distribute "Pure Heart, Simple
Mind” (tm) provided you: a. Receive our written permission
(which is likely). b. Attach the above copyright notice
to our material. c. Do not sell our material to others.
d. Keep the content of our material intact without any editing
whatsoever.
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