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In the close to four years I've been writing the Seishindo
newsletter, I feel I've learned how to be a better writer. In
the course of preparing my articles for publication I'm going
back and rewriting a number of my earlier newsletters. What
follows is a major rewrite of the very first newsletter Inessa
and I published!
I want to take this opportunity to offer our special thanks
to those of you who have been with us from the beginning. I'm
guessing the growth I experience as a writer, somehow mirrors
the growth that many of you continue to experience in your own
lives. Thanks so much for supporting us along the way!
1. Learning from the past, rather than
living in it
Do you sometimes feel like you're an unwilling victim of your
past?
In my own life, having had my fair share of traumatic events
take place, I still sometimes think, "Life has taught me
some harsh lessons, and my scars do not heal easily." When
I find myself thinking like this it usually means I've fallen
into believing, "It's 'only natural' that traumatic experiences
will lead to suffering in the future." You have to admit,
such a quagmire of reasoning can be easy to get caught up in!
Luckily for me, I have the honor and pleasure of meeting and
working with numerous courageous people who teach me a great
deal. Let me share a story with you now about how I overcame
my limiting beliefs regarding the reasons for my emotional suffering.
In working with a client who was struggling with alcoholism,
we spent our first session with the client telling me in great
detail how he had come to live such an unhealthy debilitating
life. In short, my client said: "Both my parents were alcoholics,
and both of them were physically abusive to me. I grew up never
knowing what bad thing would happen next. I learned
from my parents that the best way to flee the pain and uncertainty
of life was to escape into an altered state of alcohol induced
euphoria." When listening to a client tell such a sad story,
it's easy to believe their current suffering is pretty much
preordained by their past.
As fate would have it, a week after beginning to work with
my alcoholic client, I went to a Chamber of Commerce luncheon.
I listened to a motivational speaker describe how we can live
our life more fully and succeed in times of hardship. I found
myself really touched by what the man had to say, and I had
a clear sense he had overcome various hardships in his life.
When his talk and the luncheon were over I waited around to
thank him and let him know I had received some wonderful inspiration.
After introducing myself and thanking him, I asked him how
he had come to teach such an inspirational way of living. He
looked around to make sure no one else was listening and in
a low voice he said the following:
"Both my parents were alcoholics, and both of them were
physically abusive to me. I grew up never knowing what bad thing
would happen next. I learned from my parents that the
worst possible way to deal with the pain and uncertainty of
life was to escape into an altered state of alcohol induced
euphoria. This is a very important lesson that I am thankful
to have received. I also learned from my parents that staying
present to my suffering is the only real chance I have for living
a fulfilling life. They taught me that the quality of my life
is not determined by the difficult circumstances I've encountered.
The quality of my life is determined by the positive learning
I extract from my experiences."
What a truly wonderful example of transcendent learning this
gentleman offers us!
I must say, when I shared my luncheon experience with my alcoholic
client a few days later, he found himself at a loss for words.
Not too long after that he traded in his absorbing story of
hardship for a brand new story about the importance of learning
from the past, rather than living in it.
Commentary
Please don't misunderstand what I've written above. I'm not
suggesting the pain that may have been forced upon you at some
stage in your life is in any way trivial. What I am suggesting
is, your suffering can be used as an ingredient to season your
soul. Overcoming your suffering can become a source of inspiration
that can add to the overall quality of your life, and all those
you interact with.
In the course of exploring how to live your life with a greater
sense of fulfillment and joy, you can consider pondering one
question over and over again:
"What positive learning can I extract from the difficulties
I've experienced?"
You might at first find such a question difficult to entertain.
But if you're to transcend your pain and exit your suffering,
you'll need to uncover the wisdom that awaits you as you delve
deeper into the meaning of your life.
You can derive a wide range of learning from any single circumstance,
event, or relationship. The quality of your life depends on
the positive learning you extract from the difficult circumstances
you encounter. One person's "reason" for being an
alcoholic, can be another person's "reason" for personal
transcendence!
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