| This is a very simple Practice, and
yet it is one of the most powerful in the entire Seishindo
repertoire.
As usual I suggest reading through all of the instructions
before actually beginning.
This Practice requires at least one partner. You can do this
Practice with a friend, a spouse, your child, a colleague,
a fellow student. This Practice is fantastic to do with anyone
you are in a committed relationship with, personal or professional.
It is an excellent way to help people better understand and
appreciate each other, from a heartfelt sense of being somatically
connected to another human being.
You can also do this Practice with multiple people. For the
sake of simplicity I will explain the Practice as if you are
doing it with just one person. After that feel free to improvise.
I will describe a possible variation or two at the end.
Allow for at least five minutes for this Practice. You might
want to go ahead and set an alarm so you won’t need
to think about the time. Five minutes is a fine time period.
Later as you feel fully comfortable with the Practice you
can experiment for doing it ten minutes at a time.
1. You and your partner sit
facing each other, certain to be at a distance that is definitely
comfortable for the both of you. About the same distance as
a usual conversation can be fine. Both of you with both feet
on the floor, and your hands resting easily on each leg.
2. Take some time and look
at each other. The idea is to be comfortable looking at the
other person, without feeling that you need to stare, or that
you are being stared at. A soft focus gaze usually works best.
Have a sense that you can let all of your facial muscles relax,
and that through your eyes, and through a relaxed face, you
can really offer your partner a clear understanding of who
you are.
3. Without saying which one
of you will start out as the leader, one of you begins by
breathing deeply through the nose, and then slowly exhaling
through the nose. I normally suggest starting with a breath
interval of four to five seconds in each direction. A bit
more can be OK, if it seems that your partner is OK with a
deep breath. As much as you can do so comfortably you are
meant to breathe in and out for the same interval of time.
So for instance, four seconds of inhale, and four seconds
of exhale. If you switch to a five second inhale then you
exhale for five seconds as well. I usually count my heartbeat
and use my heartbeat as my clock, but you can also of course
simply tick off the seconds in your head. If you start out
as the leader, it is important to not hold onto being the
leader. After three or four rounds of breathing, ease off
just a bit and give your partner the chance to be the leader,
with you adjusting to them. You can signify the changing of
roles with a simple nod of your head. If you start out as
the person following, there is no need to have to “all
of a sudden” get in synch with your partner. Take your
time to get in synch with them. Once you have both been the
leader, then there is no longer a leader. You both take it
as your job, to comfortably adjust to the other person as
necessary. Inhaling and exhaling, inhaling and exhaling, while
staying connected to your partner with your breath and your
gaze. It is important that you both keep your eyes open and
that you do not drift off into your own world and lose touch.
4. As you are breathing and
staying connected with your partner, allow yourself to also
notice all of the sounds in your local environment, all that
you can see without moving your head or your eyes. and the
motion and internal sensations you feel.
5. Debrief by telling your
partner about your experience. Please be careful to not tell
your partner the “opinions” of them you might
have had as you looked at them. You do NOT want to say things
like “You seemed scared.” Or “You looked
angry.”
Mainly you want to talk about what you felt, and if you are
careful to not denigrate or upset your partner in any way,
you can share what you FELT as you were looking at them, with
them. Being gentle with your discussion is crucial, because
you might be surprised to discover just how vulnerable and
or connected your partner feels when doing this Practice.
The words you speak will often have a “bigger”
meaning than in a more everyday context.
That’s it! Simple, yet most people report having a
lovely, powerful experience.
Variations on a theme:
A. With an emotionally troubled
or sick child you start out by breathing at the same pace
as the child. At a certain point in time (Two, three, five
minutes?), simply by being in synch with the breathing of
the child you will notice that their breath slows down some
and that they become emotionally more comfortable.
I have done this numerous times when on airplanes and a child
who I have never met is acting up. Most often I will do this
as their parent struggles to control them. It is usually important
to get the child’s attention by making a funny face
or something similar. It is quite fine for the child to stay
with their parent (in fact this is almost always best.) I
usually do not make a statement to the parent ahead of time,
because I feel that what I am doing is quite non-invasive
and definitely friendly. Up to you, though. When done correctly
this form of joining with the child’s breathing can
really create minor miracles. Even if the child is sitting
a few rows up, no problem at all, as long as you get their
attention every once and a while so that they know you are
there. For me it is pretty usual that the child will be nice
and mellow and perhaps even asleep, with five to ten minutes
maximum.
With your own child, if they are sick, and comfortable with
the idea of this Practice, you can put your hand on their
stomach as they lay in bed. Start out by matching their breathing,
as your hand rises and falls along with their stomach. When
you feel you have a good match you can then use the pressure
of your hand to indicate that they slow their breathing down
a bit, if it is your intuition that this would help. In the
beginning you do not want to explain the whole process to
the child because you do not want them to be thinking about
whether they are “doing it right” or not. They
will intuitively understand what the various pressures coming
from your hand mean. At this point my daughter knows all about
all of this stuff and she will often ask me to breathe with
her.
Simply breathing with your child, without even touching,
can be an excellent way to help them to go to sleep.
B. As I stated up top, this
is an excellent Practice to do with a life partner, especially
if the two of you have been having some trouble in your relationship.
In this case we suggest you do it as described in the instructions,
and sitting in chairs.
No matter what, it is important to not turn this Practice
into a sexual encounter, unless you take a break first, and
only then begin in with something else. Why? Because people
need to feel fully safe at a time like this, and even with
a partner that you are getting along with, it is important
that they do not feel like they might need to “perform.”
C. You can of course also
do this Practice with any and all other adults. Whenever you
touch anyone else, you want to be certain that they are comfortable
with your touch, and that you are emotionally clear about
what you are and are not doing. It would be a very serious
mistake to do this Practice with someone that you are not
currently intimate with and turn it into something sexual.
D. This is an excellent Practice
to do as a member of a team. Especially a sports team. If
you do it with more than one other person, you can start out
by alternately looking at the other people and then going
to a soft focus gaze to where you are not looking at either
person. In this case you will want to adjust your seating
so no one is sitting directly in front of you.
E. If you have an even number
of people, you can also do this in rounds, first sitting opposite
person 1 for a few minutes and gazing at them, then getting
up and switching seats, and sitting in front of person 2.
F. This Practice is also great
to do with pets. Especially if (a) Your pet is not feeling
well. Or, (b) You are feeling a bit down.
Whatever works for you. There can be many variations on this
theme.
Practices
index
|
