| This Practice can help you
to have a fuller, more appreciative perception of yourself.
It has proven to be a Practice that helps people to feel more
at ease with who they are, and takes away the need to label
yourself in a manner that is restrictive in nature.
So often in life we state things in "black or white"
when often there are many shades of grey. One good way to
understand ourselves better is to state both sides of a seemingly
black and white statement.
As always, please read through all of the instructions at
least once before actually doing this Practice. You will want
either a piece of paper or your computer handy to write down
your "answers."
1. Write down at least three
personal qualities you have which you feel good about. For
instance:
I am friendly.
I am a caring person.
I am hard working.
2. Now add to each one of
these statements an "alternative reality" which
takes into account particular instances when you are different.
In other words state a time when the OPPOSITE of each statement
is ALSO true.
For instance:
I am friendly in social settings, and sometimes I can also
be distant if I am in new surroundings.
I am a caring person with family and friends, but I can also
sometimes be cold and uncaring in business.
I am hard working, and still at times I would prefer to just
have fun instead.
3. Now reverse the order
of these statements, and when necessary change the wording
some as well. You might likely find that changing the order
of the statements changes your perception of yourself.
For instance:
I am sometimes distant with people, and I am also quite friendly
at other times.
In business I can sometimes be uncaring, while I am a loving
parent and friend.
I like to have fun, and I am also hard working.
The idea here being to get away from labeling yourself as
"one kind" of person, and not the other kind. Most
of us show a wide range of behaviors and abilities depending
on the circumstances, and it is good to take in the full range
of who we are and how we "sometimes" act. The term
"sometimes" is important to note here. We rarely
if ever exhibit the same qualities "all of the time."
There is no reason to have to be "one type of person
OR the other" when in reality we tend to be "both"
over the course of time. When we state "I am friendly."
Or "I am a caring person." this makes it seem like
we are ALWAYS like that, and thus we will tend to confuse
ourselves when we run up against the times when we are different.
You will likely find that it is better to consider yourself
"either or" depending on the circumstances.
4. List at least three personal
qualities you have which do not please you.
For instance:
I am depressive.
I am insecure.
I am frightened about my future.
When you write down your phrases, do you see how these phrases
seem to have a finality to them? Don't they tend to read in
an "all or nothing" manner?
5. Now add the alternative
reality for each statement, including different contexts as
an important part of your statement. You want to be able to
acknowledge when the opposite of your original statement is
also true.
For instance:
I am depressive at times, and I can also be upbeat when I
am with friends.
I am insecure in personal relationships, and I am confident
in work situations.
I am frightened about my future and I also have a lot of exciting
dreams.
6. Now reverse the order of
these statements, and when necessary change the wording some
as well. Once again, you might likely find that changing the
order of the statements changes your perception of yourself.
For instance:
I am upbeat when around friends, and at other times I can be
depressive.
I am confident at work, and insecure when it comes to personal
relationships.
I have a lot of exciting dreams and at the same time I can often
be frightened.
7. You now have four groupings
of "dual" statements from Steps 2 and 3 and 5 and
6.
Group these statements so that you can easily read all of
them.
Now take a couple of deep breaths and check your posture
so that you feel open and aware.
SLOWLY state each dual statement one by one, and take two
deep breaths in between each statement.
When done take a few more deep breaths and notice the sounds,
sights and physical sensations that you feel.
Reflect on what you have learned.
In the future you might find it helpful to consider the full
range of your behaviors/qualities rather than locking in on
only one aspect of yourself.
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